How did you get here?
How did these two souls who were best friends, partners, a team, get here?
What was the choice that turned you into people going in different directions?
When did he decide to take what he needed, what he wanted, and give what he wanted to give in return?
When did you realize he was not going to be affectionate towards you?
When did you decide it was acceptable to live without passion so you could have safety?
When was the first time he told you he doesn’t like to kiss?
How did you make the choice to stay with a man you love who will never kiss you like he means it?
How did sex become…something to be done for him, to him, nothing for you, nothing seductive, just fucking and never making love?
When did he start telling you it’s fine when it isn’t, that your pain isn’t real, that he doesn’t understand your feelings?
When did you start to feel that your hot-messiness was a thing to hide from him, that he didn’t want to know about it?
When did the things you do for him become less than enough, not good enough, something to criticize?
When did you start to shut down, close yourself off?
When did you start crying in the car or in the shower so he would not see, so he would not explain why you shouldn’t cry, so he would not take your pain and put it away like a shameful secret?
When was the last time he told you anything kind, beautiful, tender?
Does he know that he used to make you better but now….?
How do you continue, knowing it may not ever change?