And then you realize…


He will never put his hand on your neck as he pulls you in for a lingering kiss. You no longer expect it or hope for it; there is no lingering kiss.

He will not hold you like you are broken and he can fill the cracks. Your cracks are your own to deal with.

He will not hold on to you like you are unbroken. You learn that affection is not coming.

He will not hold you while you cry. Your tears are your own, to be had alone and in silence.

He will not look with longing into your eyes. You will not see yourself reflected in his eyes.

He will not hold your hand, give it a gentle caress, squeeze it tightly, intertwine his fingers in yours. You will find friends who will hold your hand.

He will not kiss you like he means it; he does not like to kiss. You will feel unwanted.

He will not look at you like you light up the room. He does not see how you sparkle. You have forgotten you shine.

He will not wait to see your smile, to hear your laugh. You will find laughter with friends.

He will not find the words to make you feel beautiful. You are. He knows it but no longer sees you. You feel unpretty (video).

He will not hear your desperate pleas for understanding. You will find friends who hear you.

He will not understand your need for these friends. You will feel like you are doing something wrong.

He will forget the difference between honesty and brutal honesty. You will ask him to be kind instead of honest.

He will always have a better way. You will question everything you do, plan, want, and say.

He will tell you that you are perfect, that you must be perfect, as he tells you how you aren’t, how you could be better, what you could do better. You will feel unworthy of praise and tender words.

He will put his family first. You will feel like a guest in your home.

He will confide in a relative while he resents your friends. You will be supervised.

He will pursue his dreams. You will try to make them your own.

He will define success with material possessions. You will find success in laughter, sharing a quiet moment with a friend, and experiences.

He will provide a large house full of nice things, a large yard with gardens, and a garage with vehicles. You will find the constant, enormous amount of work exhausting and overwhelming.

He will provide a beautiful space for entertaining friends. You will invite friends until he says that wasn’t what he meant. Not those friends. Not that often. Not that long. Not when he wants to hang out in his underwear.

He will support you when you have health issues by sending his relative. You will feel terrified that he will not be there when you need caretaking.

He will tell you that you are fine, your disease is not a big deal; he believes in tough love. You are not fine; you feel alone in your fight.

He will accept your dietary issues and changes as long as he doesn’t have to change, give up anything, or learn about cross-contamination. You will live with constant anxiety of becoming sick from eating in your own home.

He will miss you because you are gone from home for long hours. You will not see any way to spend more time at home after the commute, work, household errands and shopping. You will feel that you are not doing enough to be home when he wants.

He will say you don’t spend enough time at home on the weekend. You will cancel plans, stay home to do housework while he is online, and then watch TV and provide meals when he is not.

He will tell you depression isn’t real; you shouldn’t say FML because your life is great–just look at everything he gave you. You will feel unheard and belittled. You will look for your tribe.

He will realize after years of dismissing your feelings that you no longer tell him how you feel; he will be hurt. You have been hurting too long; you are surprised to find you don’t care how he fucking feels.

He does not trust your friends. You think that he may have left the door open for someone else. You think just maybe he shouldn’t trust you.

He will become insecure; he will attempt to be affectionate in front of friends. You will feel like it’s a show for others, not anything genuine for you.

He says you gave up on him. You kind of agree. You feel like a terrible wife, a terrible person.

He does not believe that marriage counseling works–it’s a waste of money. You fear it may be too late.